Wednesday, January 16, 2008

lastest realization

There are times in your life, like at this very moment in time, when you have a truly intense realization of your life. You realize what your purpose is, what mistakes you've made, what your future will be, and so many more things that were unclear before. In some sort of world that apparently was being harvested in the back of my mind, I knew it all along. The real reason why it had never revealed itself until this very moment was that of fear; fear of truth. Truth is unbelievably imperative throughout your entire life, and if one cannot find truth, then one cannot find countless instances of everything vital in our existance.
I cannot help but ask myself what I did wrong or where, in this series of fortunate and unfortunate events that I call my life, I missed something. Maybe...there are certain occurences in your life that affect everything to come. Maybe, in some kind of way, things as insignificant as plucking my eyebrows affect my future. I know that I have made mistakes; that is one thing that I am positive about. But I also know that the mistakes I've made and the paths that I've chosen to follow make me who I am. I have finally come to a realization that it is not fear of death that has haunted me in this world that has finally grown to a full bloom in my mind. It is fear of life. Fear of doing everything wrong, fear of not being enough in the eyes of those who have seen more than I could ever imagine. But why live in fear? Why waste those moments in life that could be cherished through my entire being with fear of making a mistake? Why be afraid of life if I am not going to live it?
I have found truth. Truth of everything that has occured in my life. Truth of the lies that were once spoken. Truth of what could have been and what is. I have found truth, and it is the source of every ounce of faith, love, hate, and desire throuhgout my life from now on. Theres someting deep for ya Emma haha :D